Dating a guy who just divorced
It may not be typical to chat about having a baby on the third date, but that topic came up earlier for us – I can’t afford to waste time.
Many of his fears about starting a family with me arise from his failings in his previous relationship.
But being with someone who has crossed those milestones already is a journey.
You will always come second to his children; they will always be his priority.
Naively, I imagined that when he took them on holiday or away for the weekend, I’d talk to him every day.
But he didn’t have the mental capacity to speak to me when he was with them.
This is a man who once loved his wife, believed in marriage and the family dream, and committed himself to making it work. But that doesn’t mean it’s your job to deal with it, especially when he might be stuck in this state indefinitely.
Accepting that that dream has died – and that he –is a painful process that requires the healing hands of time. It amazes me how many men are two, three, even important and it’s far more than “just a piece of paper.” In addition to providing some legal closure, it brings more emotional closure. Your separated man could be angry at many things: himself, a legal battle, women in general, even life.
If you chose to proceed in dating him, I caution you to proceed slowly and with eyes wide open. Comments like, “Bah, I just want it over,” or “Doesn’t matter, we’ve been strangers for years,” may seem casual, even confident — but they also mask what’s going on underneath and behind the scenes.His mind was often preoccupied with the stress of the divorce, as well as the pain he felt at only seeing his children every other weekend. He’s more emotionally mature than the other men I’d dated and we fell in love.I find it comforting to know that unlike many of the commitment-phobic men I’ve met, he is actually capable of being a husband and a fantastic father – he’s proved that.And there’s a strong chance your separated man has a long way to go.( still married; just saying…) Now before anyone accuses me of picking on men, let me hasten to say that separated women can be just as “challenging” to date as separated men.
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The bottom line is that going through a divorce requires a lot of him – he must grieve, heal, hash through legalities, potentially adjust to single parenting and financial limitations, as well as rediscover a new sense of who he is today.