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Suddenly, the very people who have ingrained this in you have demonstrated this is not the case.
Adolescents are also developing sexually, they are entering their first relationships and struggling with their own experiences of infatuation, falling in love, physical intimacy, boundaries and trust.
Younger children might not fully understand what has happened, but nevertheless can be traumatized by the change in the emotional climate in the home.
There is a sense that something that was whole that was the foundation for everything else has been severely damaged if not destroyed.
In this post I will address how children are effected by their parent’s affairs.
In subsequent posts I will discuss the effects on adult children of affairs and offer suggestions for parents involved in affairs on how to best support their children through this difficult time.
The older a child is, the more capable he or she is of abstract thinking, so worries about what is going to happen to the family and how their lives will change or who they will lose if there is a divorce can surface.
Older children may also regress, but they also have more access to language for what they are thinking and feeling.
They may be asked to keep secrets and/or expected to chose sides.
Asking a child, overtly or covertly, to take a side is like asking a child to lose that parent. Keeping secrets from one or both parents can create a terrible guilt and sense of self as destructive.
Adolescents continue to develop their capacity for abstract thinking.
They are highly aware that they are preparing to enter the adult world and therefore questions of values become paramount.
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Identity and moral development are impacted negatively.